Sunday, 31 March 2013

Ramblings.....


So it’s Easter Sunday, must be time for one of my – now - legendary rambles!! What better place to start than with Easter itself or to be more accurate, the Easter Bunny!! 
It has come to my attention that the Easter Bunny deserves way more respect than he gets. Easter is, as you may know, is celebrated in more places in the world than Christmas. Globally more of the population believe in Easter than Christmas. Now if we were to talk about Father Christmas, very soon we would get to ; Round the world in a day, what he wears, how he travels, Reindeer, their names and the colour of their noses, presents for everyone – especially the kids – and we even leave him and his transportation a snack. So the Easter Bunny travels further but still does everything in a day and visits all the kids, albeit only with eggs but no one knows how he does it or anything about his transportation. In fact we don’t even wonder whether he is a he at all!! I personally don’t think that is fair! In previous years it has been frowned upon when I have posted a picture of a black bunny and said it is the Easter Bunny. Well truth is we don’t know do we? One thing I do know though is that whomsoever delivers all the eggs and choccie to all the people round the world on Easter Sunday deserves as much respect, if not more, than Father Christmas.
Well yesterday evening and later it was GuMe and today it is FaCoPl, regular readers will know that this is to do with where horses are racing – as the 2.30 at Haydock would be written 
Ha 2.30. So today my 4 horses are all after 4pm. Four from Four in fact! So what’s the betting they will, all four, end up fourth? Probably four to one!!
I never seriously thought that the Avengers Assemble movie would have me asking of my facebook friends “What is a mewling quim?” but it did!! Amazingly enough it was what I thought as well!! For your own piece of mind, go ahead – Google it yourself! No really!!
In similar vein, Fukuoka is a region in Japan! Who would have known?

Sunday, 24 March 2013

Naming your horse.

No really I didn't know it was so difficult, find out how here, so a big thank you for persevering to any owner of a horse with a name that has ever made me laugh!! The one this week that I found was, SANDFRANKSKIPGO! It was a winner too!!

Saturday, 23 March 2013

Friday, 22 March 2013

Different strokes for different folks!


Two Women were chatting in office..
Woman 1:”I had a fine evening, how was yours.. ??
Woman 2:”It was a disaster.. My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 minutes and fell asleep.. How was yours.. ??
Woman 1:”Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner.. After dinner we walked for an hour.. When we came home he lit the candles around the house..It was like a… fairy tale!
At the same time, their husbands are talking at work..
Husband 1:”How was your evening.. ??
Husband 2:”Great.. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell asleep. What about you ??
Husband 1:”It was horrible. I came home, there’s no dinner, they cut the electricity because I forgot to pay the bill; so I took her out for dinner which was so expensive that i didn’t had money left for a cab. We walked home which took an hour and when we got home i remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house!!

Tuesday, 19 March 2013


Major Discovery.

If like me your life seems a bit like going from one treasure map to the next looking for the X marks the spot to dig for your personal treasure or chasing rainbows looking for your own individual pot of gold, then I may have discovered the secret...... the thing we are all doing wrong!! 
I have found a place where all medication is cheap, all the men have huge appendages and all the women are narrowly thin or overly large, to their individual choosing. Nobody works but everyone is rich beyond their wildest dreams for doing next to nothing, where imitation jewellery is a mere fraction of high street prices and there is no more cash, just free gift cards, vouchers and pay back money offers. 
More than this though everybody is extremely friendly, talks to you well and genuinely wants you to be happy and for you to meet up and even 'get to know' them better.
Come with me my friends on an adventure of a lifetime to "where everyone knows your name" and everyone's treated just the same.

"Destination....SPAM BOX."  

Saturday, 16 March 2013

Ramble On!!

First of all, I'm sorry if you are reading this expecting a bar by bar account of a famous Led Zeppelin track! Though if you know me at all that's exactly what it could have been! (On what was colloquially known as Zep 2 in, wait for it, no that can't be right - 1969!)

Oh wow! Formula 1, I've missed you!! It just seems to take forever to come round when you are anxiously waiting for something, not when you have to pay bills though!! So just to put us to the test straight off, the whole thing starts in Melbourne, Australia at our time of 6am!! Hardy lot us F1 fans you know?!! Now then I still haven't come to terms with the team changes and my favourite driver now driving for Mercedes Benz, who to support? Can I really cheer Lewis Hamilton on or do I have to switch allegiances? McLaren or Mercedes? But then there's also Ferrari? Oh what a problem! Pretty sure it won't be Red Bull but it could be Mark Webber and what about Lotus? You can maybe tell how much I've missed it already, can't you?
Then the other thing is how vocal I can be even knowing that some people won't be as lucky as me and watching it live! 
I know it's a huge country but it does feel a little special knowing that my son is in Australia at the same time as the Grand Prix, albeit, I know in a different city and state! On his way to Australia he did stopover in Singapore and saw the street circuit that is the Singapore Grand Prix. A night race which we have to wait until September to witness. I have no doubt knowing our family and F1 he will be keen to show us all where on the circuit he stood etc.!

People that know me will know that I used to live above a Greek restaurant and in fact had a Greek landlord. Just over two years I have been in this flat and when I moved in next door was Neston Tandoori, which has been closed for a few months. Opening soon!! Kri Kri. Would you believe a Greek restaurant?! Nothing at all against the Greeks or their restaurants but you couldn't write a script with that much coincedence, could you? Kri Kri is a Cretan (from Crete) goat which also explains the new sign that strangely enough features a goat!!

Rather ironic that on the eve of St. Patricks's Day that the 6 Nations rugby tournament is being settled between Wales and England and after Irelands defeat at the hands of Italy this afternoon Ireland could end up with the wooden spoon. It is with that match though I would like to finish this ramble. From a distance, there is no difference between the Irish and the Italian flags! Green/White/Orange for Ireland as opposed to Green/White/Red for the Italians. In fact on some nameless TV quiz show recently a picture of the Irish flag was wrongly identified as being the flag from Italy!! Don't get me started on flags! Yes you can fly our own Union flag upside down and yes in certain parts of the world I am known as Flagman!!

Sunday, 10 March 2013

Study? I don't think so!


TEACHER: Why didn’t you study?
STUDENT: A year has 365 days for you to study.
After taking away 52 Sundays, there are only 313 days left. There are 50 days in the summer that is way too hot to work so there are only 263 days left. We sleep 8 hours a day, in a year, that counts up to 122 days so now we’re left with 141 days. If we fooled around for only 1 hour a day, 15 days are gone, so we are left with 126 days. We spend 2 hours eating each day, 30 days are used in this way in the year, and we are left with 96 days in our year. We spend 1 hour a day speaking to friends and family, that takes away 15 days more and we are left with 81 days.
Exams and tests take up at least 35 days in your year; hence you are only left with 46 days. Taking off approximately 40 days of holidays, you are only left with 6 days. Say you are sick for a minimum of 3 days; you’re left with 3 days in the year to study! Let’s say you only go out for 2 days…You’re left with 1 day. But that 1 day is your birthday. That’s why I did not study.



Mother's Day Special


So it's back to about 19 hundred and frozen to death for these two Mother's Day pictures!
Above is me, my Mum and her Mum, my Grandma and to the right >>> me and Mum in seriously about 1958. Both pictures taken in the back garden of the house in Liverpool, where we lived when I was born!
            __________________________________

Meanwhile March 10th is also a very important day to Wilko News and I can not not mention it!! 
15 years ago today my son, Tim joined the RAF! He was ever so young and vulnerable and he made me the proudest man/Dad/parent of all times...
.........EVER!!

He spent ten years in the RAF and would probably still be in if it hadn't been for health issues. 
Tim well done mate!! I remain as proud as ever of then and indeed now!! Which brings me back to Mother's Day 2013......
.........I hope my beautiful Granddaughter remembered her Mum today!!

Meanwhile there's a 'cut out and keep' Mum's Day picture over here>>>>>>>>>

Saturday, 9 March 2013

Useless SH*T!!


Here's one for you ~ If Alaska and New York City had the same density of population there would be less than 20 people in NYC!!

Somewhere down the line somewhere is too big or somewhere is over populated!!

Friday, 8 March 2013

Thursday, 7 March 2013

“Love” in the sense of “no score” in tennis dates to 1792 and means “playing for love” or, in other words, playing for nothing! So there you go!!

Tuesday, 5 March 2013

Passport Application............ Maybe?!

Dear Sirs,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe how is it that Sky Television has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a bleeding satellite dish from them back in 1988, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was bloody born and on what date.
Do you guys do this by hand?
My birth date you have on my pension book.
It's on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years.
It is on my National Health card. 
My driving licence.
My car insurance.
On the last eight damn passports I've had. 
It's on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the plane over the last 30 years. 
All those insufferable census forms.
Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Mary Anne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely astounded if that WOULD ever change between now and when I die!!
I apologise, I'm really pissed off this morning. 
Between you an' me, I've had enough of this bullshit!
You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my bleeding address!!
What is going on? Do you have a gang of neanderthal arseholes workin' there?
Look at my damn picture.
Do I look like Bin Laden?
I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want to go and park my arse on some sandy beach somewhere.
And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days?
If I ever got the urge to do something wierd to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, you'd be the last fucking people I'd want to tell!
Well, I have to go now,'cause I have to go to the other end of the poxy city to get another fucking copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of £30.
Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day?
Nooooooooooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense.
You'd rather have us running all over the fuckin' place like chickens with our heads cut off, then WE have to find some arsehole to confirm that it's really me on the damn picture - you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?! (bureaucratic fuckin' morons)
Hey, do you know why we couldn't smile if we wanted to? Because we're totally pissed off!

Signed

An Irate Citizen

P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to confirm that it's me?
Well, my family has been in this country since 1776 ...
I have served in the military for something over 30 years and have had full security clearances over 25 of those years enabling me to undertake highly secretive missions all over the world.
However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - you know, someone like my doctor ..
WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN FRIGGIN` PAKISTAN!



Saturday, 2 March 2013